Sex Education

So, one of the larger news stories of recent weeks up here in New England has been the State of Maine, which is about to lose its federal funding for sex education in schools.

The reason for this is that the federal program ties funding to the teaching of abstinence in order to keep teen pregnancy under control, and Maine doesn’t wish to go there. Or, more to the point, Maine teaches abstinence but also teaches safe sex methods, which are apparently verboten under federal guidelines. The reasoning goes “If you teach safe sex methods, you’re sending an implied message that sex is OK.”

Now, you might say “Well, if they’re not going to teach children to be moral, we shouldn’t be supporting their efforts”. Putting aside whether anyone’s specific version of morality should play into government funding of education programs, there are a number of good reasons why Maine is right and the Federal program is wrong.

My argument goes like this: I plan to teach my children to drive safely and not to speed, and yet I also plan to teach them to wear seatbelts and have insurance. Just because I teach them how to protect themselves in the event of an accident doesn’t mean that I’m telling them it’s OK to go have one, and I’m pretty certain my children are smart enough to understand that.

Put another way, I plan to teach my children about the evils of alcohol and drugs. I’ve already started doing this. But I also plan to tell them “If you ever slip, if you find yourself at a party and you do drink, or your friends do, call me and I’ll come bring you home.” I won’t be undermining the “don’t drink” message, I’ll just be saying “If you do, I’ll be disappointed, but don’t make it worse by dying.”

But here’s the kicker... I’ve spent my summers (in part or in full) in Maine for virtually all of my life. When I was a teenager, Maine had the highest teen pregnancy rate in the nation. Most teen pregnancies per capita of any state in the Union. At that time, what was their primary sex education class focus? Abstinence. Then about 15 years ago, someone got the wild and crazy idea to teach safe sex and the incidence of teen pregnancy and STDs plunged. Maine is now in the top five LOWEST rates of teen pregnancy in the nation.

Maine learned the hard way that just because we teach our children things doesn’t mean they’re going to follow. Maine learned that kids sometimes get bored and when they do, they sometimes experiment with sex. Maine learned that teenagers have hormones coursing through their bodies at levels which make it virtually impossible for them not to be tempted, no matter HOW good they are.

Adults in my reading audience, think back to the last time you were in the beginning of a new relationship, with all of the heart-fluttering and happy hormone endorphins flowing. Can you honestly say you never did anything stupid? Had unprotected sex with your partner when you know you couldn’t afford to have a child, because you were out of protection and got too close before realizing? Or in this age of AIDS, had unprotected sex with a new partner before each getting tested to be sure you were both STD free?

Adults don’t have nearly the same levels of hormones surging that teens do, and we make stupid choices when the happy juice gets flowing. Studies have actually shown a marked and measurable decrease in both intelligence and wisdom (making smart choices) when in the infatuation stage of a new relationship.

So let’s be smart. Sure, we’d all like to believe OUR children are the GOOD kids, the ones who won’t have sex until they’re married. But human nature doesn’t work that way for adults who have the wisdom of age. It’s certainly not going to work that way for children, who don’t. So teach your children abstinence. Tell them how important it is to wait. But then tell them how to protect themselves if they ever slip.

If you parent correctly, your children will not take this as a tacit approval of sexual activity. It is possible to show disapproval with a behavior and still teach your children how to limit the damage in the event the behavior ever happens.

Liam.